Do you find yourself jumping from relationship to relationship?? Are you constantly seeking validation in your relationship?? Or do you find yourself fearful to break up even if the relationship sucks?? Here is the number one reason you hate being single!!
The sun is shining and I have spent the day sitting here reflecting. What is the reason that people, namely you and I hate being single??
To sum it up, its because we believe our worth is determined by our relationship status.
We believe that we are only worth it if we have the title of boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife.
Now, you may be asking yourself why that is but I think it’s because of this…
Being in a relationship brings a consistent role to our life that we wouldn’t otherwise have
It’s having consistency to know that we need to bring our a-game because someone needs us to be that for them
And, a lot of it has to do with feeling like our worth has to come from another’s validation
but… that’s a scary and unhealthy place to be in because we allow other people to label our worth and that’s when it becomes dangerous.
A potential flame recently got back into touch with me about 6 months after the fact.
We sat down to have a chat about life and he spilled the beans…
He shared how he has just gotten out of a relationship.
Another relationship that sounded toxic.
And the more he shared his story, I realized that…
But, I have to say I honestly don’t fault the guy.
What I did do however was ask him why he did what he did. Why did he hate being single??
His answer was simple but really shared a lot about being single, heartbreak and vulnerability.
“I jump into a new relationship hoping that someone new can heal the hurt of what has happened to me before. I attach quick before they can find something wrong with me and then I freak out when they start to pull away and it always leads to a break up.”
His words hit hard.
And I had to question for myself what I was searching for in my own dating life.
And if I was doing the EXACT SAME thing?!
What was my end goal??
How was I jeopardizing my own relationships??
I think it’s not a question that can be answered in five minutes and will take some time to feel and recognize the whole encompassing truth.
But what I did recognize for myself was that when I break up with someone
A big part of my heart aches to have my best friend back and know that I have that safe place to land.
I think that’s the biggest part of break-ups that suck and hurt the most.
Losing your best friend.
That’s the part I absolutely hate the most.
But I think it comes down to truly listening to the advice I already landed on that breaking up and truly healing is a solo process.
And the greatest gift that you can give yourself after a break up is time.
Time to be single.
Time to embrace who you are and who you want to be.
Time to be kind to yourself and recognize that time truly does heal all wounds.
So, if you find your mind wandering to the thoughts of I hate being single.
-Do I care that I am single??
-Am I just lonely or bored??
-Can I be alone and be okay??
-What’s so scary about being single??
-Is it really that bad??
-Do I let my worth be determined by the value of my relationship or lack of one??
The best advice I gave him that really is for anyone is allow yourself to feel the feels.
Stop running away from the heartbreak.
It’s okay to cry.
It’s okay to mourn the “death and loss” of that relationship but don’t get stuck there.
Because you are worth more than a title.
You have a lot to give in a relationship it is just taking the time to find the diamond among the others that fits best with you.
But embrace being single.
Take time to heal
And do what Matthew Hussey says become a better version of you <3