On Pails of Love you will hear us talk a ton about special time and why we encourage it. Want a better relationship with your child- do special time. Have a child who is acting out- do special time. Can’t get any time alone- do special time. So what gives?? What is so special about special time?? And Special time- is it really that special??
Here’s the story. I remember feeling so overwhelmed; adjusting to my new normal.
I recently found myself facing life as a single momma with children who were angry and hurt.
And I remember sitting on the ground feeling the world on my shoulders. Wondering. Wishing. That things could have been different.
And I remember calling my best friend. Pouring my heart out to her. Telling her that I just didn’t know how to handle it all. And her advice was simple but yet so profound.
If you want more time, you need to give time.
What do you mean I asked?? And she explained.
It seems super counter-intuitive. You see all that you need to get done. The laundry piling up. The dishes in the sink. And you sitting with your hair askew in a messy bun with dirty pyjamas on.
You want nothing more than to go get dressed, have a shower. But, your kids are fighting and whining.
Just drop everything and go to your babies!!
If they want to play Barbies, lego, or cars. Let them take the lead. But make sure that it is one on one time!! No other siblings allowed.
What they want is to know that they are special and loved.
That they matter in your busy world.
Did you know… Children crave their parents’ love and attention. And consciously or subconsciously they will get that attention whether it’s a negative or positive manner.
So, if you take the time to spend time one on one with each child you will feed that craving they have for your attention.
Now we aren’t talking your whole entire day.
I promise that the laundry pile will be washed and put away. That the dishes will be washed and drying. And you’ll even be able to get dressed, have a shower and do your hair!!
I remember getting off the phone and doing exactly what my bff had suggested. Playing Barbies with one, coloring with the next and reading books with the other.
And magically all of a sudden the three children ran to each other and made a plan to go and play some dress up game with princesses.
The fighting had stopped. The tattling stopped. And just like that everyone was friends again.
I did have that hour I needed to get all that I wanted and needed to done.
So how much time do you need to give for Special Time??
In learning more about it your child ultimately needs 10-15 minutes in the morning and then at night. Of individual special time.
The way that this was best explained in the world of psychology was that children have a bucket of love. At the beginning of the day it is half full and your child needs it to be filled so that they can go on with their day.
When their bucket is filled they feel safe and secure and will touch base when needed.
At the end of the day, they have run off their love assurance being away from you and need it filled again so that they can safely and happily go to the land of sleep.
So are you ready to implement Special Time at your house??
Heck, are you ready to take special time to a whole new level?? Why not check out these fun dates and get started on Special Time right now!!