Just breakup?? And your ex is already dating someone else?? And you’re think my ex moved on way too fast… what now?? Check out our post below!!
Because, here’s how to recover when an ex moves on WAYYYYY TOOO FAST!!!
I have to tell you a story because it is just SO crazy.
I once received a package from a guy that I was no longer talking to. At the time he sent the package we were still talking…
We had started “dating” of course in an LDR.
But I was feeling like there were lots of red flags.
He was SO sweet.
He was ALWAYS available.
He was ALWAYS willing to listen.
Okay those were the green flags.
The red flags were this:
He was ALWAYS available. He literally was putting his life on hold for me. He wasn’t hanging out with his family or friends really unless he had to. Even when I told him too!!
He became SUPER jealous and made comments when I wanted to spend time with my family and friends.
He kept tabs on all the people who I was friends with and what their names were… just 2 weeks into talking…
So I said I couldn’t do it anymore. I was feeling suffocated. I just couldn’t.
Obviously, I ended it. But now, I had to figure out what the appropriate way to thank him for his very heartfelt gift was.
So I thought…
Thank him for the gift, offer to be friends cause WOW that was a really nice and then just live life.
Sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it??
Well here’s the thing. We had been talking for about 6 weeks.
Things were already getting serious… and in some ways I loved it and in other ways I absolutely hated it!!
Just to set the background this dude said he wanted to marry me and I thought I was smitten. But it was just moving WAY TOO FAST!!
Okay and all the other things above…
And this is where it gets crazy.
I messaged him to thank him for the gift.
It was only two weeks after talking and he tells me he already has another girlfriend…. Ummmm say what?!
Like you have a girlfriend already?!
I haven’t even had time to even meet any new guys how is this even happening?!
So, a part of me was crushed….
And I started questioning everything about me….
If he is able to move on that fast than maybe I’m just not good enough…
And my thoughts and doubts started to creep in.
Maybe, I’m just unlovable!!
Or… not attractive enough… not loving enough… not …. not… not enough in every aspect.
But, then I stopped myself in my tracks.
It was time to breathe, reflect and focus.
What was it that I needed to do??
Well, I needed to first realize that I needed to catch up with my all time favourite dating coach Matthew Hussey, if you want to listen to his dating advice then head over to instagram for this specific my ex moved on way too fast. Know that there is a language warning so you don’t want to listen with little ears around.
So I spent some time listening to him. And his words, mindset and belief were life changing.
It’s your time to shine and keep reading if you can connect with the question of: how do I move on when my ex has moved on wayyyyyy toooo fasttttt!!?? Or, how do I change my perspective on letting go of the relationship and stop dwelling on the hurt of how fast they moved on??
Let’s talk about it.
It is SO so SO hurtful when someone we felt close to or actually loved moves on super fast from the relationship they had with you!!
And the adorable and sweet dating coach Ryan Patrick explains that when we break up with someone our body has the same chemical response trigger of withdrawals that a person who is addicted to drugs has.
We do super DUMB things during breakups because we were feeling a chemical feel good when we were with that person!!
Ryan suggests the following to move on with your breakup.
First, grieve the relationship. It’s okay to feel those feels.
It’s okay to cry.
You need to be able to release these emotions to truly move on.
Know that you didn’t lose the love of your life you just lost the joy and security of that relationship.
Change your mindset to believe that, your true love is still out there and you will find him or her.
So, if you are holding onto stuff get rid of it.
Delete him or her off everything. And get ready to move on.
We love Gilmore Girls idea of creating an ex box where you put all that stuff because sometimes there are things that are special for other reasons than the relationship that you want to keep when your emotions aren’t feeling so crazy.
And then WALLOW!!
But make sure that you remove all traces and triggers of him. Get rid of absolutely everything.
You need to delete him off all social media channels.
Or stop going into the same places where you hope to run into him or that trigger those special memories.
Stop hanging out with mutual friends or contacting his friends.
Remember to start to heal you and that is a solo process.
So hang out with old friends, make some new ones.
Create new hobbies.
Establish a new routine.
Be prepared for a new beginning!!
And get a breakup journal!! Write it all out and feel those feels.
Be willing to mourn, accept it and let that person go.
Now let’s get into the emotional discussion Matthew Hussey shared because it is gold!!
He explained that part of the pain of the breakup is convincing yourself that your ex was the right person. And now, your right person is with someone else.
When we haven’t moved on yet from a break up it’s because we are convincing ourselves that our ex was a valuable gem that we lost. They probably were super amazing people and had fantastic qualities but if they aren’t willing to choose you then we need to ask ourselves if that is what we believe our dream relationship should look like.
But wait, before we talk about dream relationships lets chat about the right person.
The right person is going to be someone who continually chooses you again and again and again.
He or she is going to have that mentality of me and you against the world.
And so that no matter what life throws your way, they will roll with the punches and fight right alongside you.
That’s the type of person you want to be with.
When you think of your dream relationship, and start to remember the time when your ex moved on too fast, you can reflect on this question:
As a child, teen, in my younger years, or even now did I believe that my dream relationship was someone rejecting me and moving on?? Even if you are willing to wait, is that really the dream relationship that you want to have??
That somehow you and this person got back together but at some time in their living existence they just didn’t want to be with you??
When I look at it this way for myself I think no no no I don’t!!
But, our brain does funny things. It likes to trick us into believing things that really aren’t true!!
So let’s talk about it.
The first thing is when someone is not choosing you that is the worst part about breaking up. It’s those insecurities that seem to seep in and doubts arise about why we weren’t enough.
And then we carry that baggage as if somehow we are to blame.
It’s important to know:
Some hard truth about this though is that when someone doesn’t choose us that should be the biggest turnoff in the entire world.
They don’t want to be with you and that’s okay.
Your right person is out there!!
Matthew Hussey shares his belief that breakups need to make us better not bitter.
Breakups allow us to experience hard life experiences and heartbreak.
It is hell going through a breakup and thinking my ex moved on way too fast and you constantly wonder how you are going to pick up the pieces but know this…
Breakups allow you to become a better version of yourself because you become a better person, that is a little more raw, and can be more real with the people around you.
When we allow ourselves to be hurt we live in a world of vulnerability and that gives us the gift to be weathered and scarred. But through these times, we then have a greater story to tell others.
The experiences that we go through refines us to be more compassionate, empathetic, and bring more to a new relationship that we wouldn’t have had or achieved without going through that hurt and pain.
So we can look at life as a time when we have been beaten down and become terrified of what we are constantly battling and focus on the negatives of the pain, of what can hurt you, the size of the problem or complexity and that can leave us feeling super scared.
Those are examples of your ego, of what you can accomplish and still save face, without totally losing your identity.
However, Matthew explains that the best advice he has ever been given is to kill your ego because it will stunt your growth.
Rather than focusing on all the “what ifs” or the “I can’t” or all the fears…
And focus on the job at hand how to respond when my ex moved on too fast.
Your job is to kill your ego. Grieve the relationship. Build a new dream and go after it.
So when that ex moves on super fast, give yourself a giant hug from me, tell yourself that it’s going to be okay.
Because this experience isn’t going to define you but refine you.
You’ll be better for it!!
Thank you ex for moving on to give us the chance to be changed with a greater gift of compassion, empathy, and vulnerability to bring to others.