Are you ready to dive deep into how you can become the best version of yourself?? Come along on my dating adventure series to read about what I learned in my dating experiences on the lessons I learned on How to become and embrace being a high-value woman!!
Over the course of the last year, I set off on a dating adventure.
I had recently gotten out of an almost two year relationship with the love of my life and I was broken.
I kept replaying those last days in my head over and over and over again.
What had I done wrong?? What could I have changed??
Everything was just SO easy. We rarely fought or disagreed and when we did we quickly made up.
I thought he was the one.
Despite, being married and divorced previously. I told him that he was indeed my first love. And I still believe that to this day.
And so I set out trying to find someone just like him.
Someone who treated me with the same respect, consistency, kindness, acceptance, and love that he did.
A man who would show up when he said he would.
Not some chump who talked a good game but failed at playing.
I can’t even tell you the amount of guys that I talked to cause it was A LOT!!
If I had to guess I would say it was somewhere between 50-75 guys.
Some repeat dating offenders… who would make up some excuse and then come back…
And some new guys.
Only to feel like no one measured up.
Some came so close. But, my high standards and values seemed to get in the way.
It was hard to feel like finding the right guy was just out of my grasp.
While, I don’t exactly know what my future holds; what I do know is that knowledge is power.
So, if you want to learn some lessons from a serial dater and someone who played the game then come grab a blanket, and some tea and cuddle up cause you’re in for an adventure.
Let’s learn about How to Become and Embrace Being A High-Value Woman
The first lesson I learned was this. Embrace Who You Are
For a long time, I struggled with self-esteem and self-confidence issues. A lot of it from life traumas and living a very difficult life. I constantly questioned and wondered what my purpose was. Why I mattered in the world. And what I could offer.
Until just recently, I tried to hide away.
And take up the least amount of space as possible.
I didn’t want to be noticed.
I just wanted to be loved by my family and friends and really disappear off the grid.
Through a conversation with a friend I came to realize that that wasn’t an option.
I had A LOT to offer others. And my personality, positivity and love and compassion for others is what my friends and strangers constantly commented on.
In my serial dating adventure, I learned that beauty is truly in the eyes of the beholder.
There were many guys who commented on my looks and my attractiveness. But this wasn’t enough. I wanted to find someone who was looking for the true meal deal. Someone who found me looks attractive but loved my personality even more!!
I saw a lot of guys with six packs and the model type look. And to be honest, I got tired of looking at the same photos of guys with just a different face.
Some, of these guys shockingly talked to me… And I realized that usually the most attractive guys were also the MOST AWKWARD to talk to.
Don’t get me wrong, some of them had game. And that game meant that they only wanted one thing.
But seriously, some of the hotties that I talked to were just sooooooooo weird to talk to.
Just a tip: if you see a hot guy that you’re crushing on go talk to him. Most likely, he is single because hotties are in their own league and lots of girls think they are too hot and won’t give them a chance. So girl, you’ve already got your foot in the door.
But through a lot of these conversations I realized that I needed to embrace who I was in my own looks and personality rather than thinking I needed to conform to social media society’s standard.
Looks only get you so far.
And just like girls, guys want the package deal.
Despite, those guys who don’t measure up. The high value man that you are wanting to score and lock down wants someone who isn’t willing to compromise their high values or standards for anyone!!
So don’t let go of who you are to make him happy.
Work it girl cause you have a lot to offer!!
Lesson Two: Work to be attractive and better for you NOT for him!!
During some of my previous relationships, I would wait for their validation to help me decipher what they found attractive or not.
And that wasn’t a good or healthy headspace to live in.
I loved the dating game that I went on because it taught me A TON about who I was.
And who I am.
If I told the high school me about what I love and the activities that I do today she just wouldn’t believe it. Embracing who I was taught me to have more respect, love and compassion for myself.
It can be said that when you respect yourself others will respect your more.
And I have found that to be true.
You gain more respect from others and have a greater sphere of influence when you work to promote and cultivate you.
You are treated better too. And honestly, who doesn’t want to be treated better in life?!
I know I do!!
Now, please don’t think I am saying you need to be perfect because let’s face it no one is.
And no one wants to date someone who doesn’t have flaws. But here’s the deal.
When you promote your strengths and embrace your flaws and work on them you not only become a better person but more attractive as well.
Guys like women who are resourceful problem solvers.
They want someone who can think outside the box and try their best to become their best selves.
It’s important to actively work on truly deciphering in life what it is you want and what you don’t want.
Now is the time to chase your dreams and goals and crush them.
Cause girl, you can do it and become successful!!
Let me just throw it out there cause it’s the truth:
Actively, pursuing your talents, passions, dreams and goals is SUPER sexy!!
Lesson Number Three: Know Your Worth
Our society is SO SO SO broken. And we spend a ton of our time allowing others to dictate who we are and tell us our worth.
Oh you’re pretty, you’re worth something.
Oh you’re cute, well you make a good friend.
Ugh!! The labels have got to go!! Because lets face it. Looks aren’t everything. Whether a man wants to be with you or not is a him problem not a you problem.
In speaking with men, I learned that guys respect a girl who knows her worth and takes time to complete self-care.
What I mean by this is the woman who embraces her femininity, and strives to promote and keep that appearance.
When I started to do my makeup and dress nice, rather than just throw my hair in a crazy bun and put on a hoodie and leggings to run errands I noticed a huge difference.
Guys will hold the door for me 95 percent of the time when I am done up. When I don’t keep up that appearance men treat me like one of the guys.
It’s a crazy social experiment!! Try it sometime and let me know if you experienced the same results!
Finding your worth comes from doing all those self care steps.
So take care of yourself, in all areas from makeup, hair, body, health, exercise, and intellect.
But please please please remember that it is okay not to be perfect.
The next step in knowing your worth is to know…
how much time and investment you give something or someone.
Be picky with your time.
He shouldn’t be giving you all his time. So don’t give him all of yours.
This is how to become and embrace being a high-value woman.
And if he is giving you all his time then run!! I know it sounds romantic but it’s not!!
Check out our dating advice How to Know You’re the rebound where we explain why him giving you all his time isn’t a good thing!!
So, take the time to cultivate your friendships and relationships with your family because they are super important.
Lesson Four: You’re okay to stand on your own!!
Girl, I am not a feminist by any means. But one thing I needed to learn is that it was okay to be on my own and enjoy my own company.
Tyler Perry’s Madea shares some valuable insight about breakups and learning about yourself and others that I just have to include.
You want some legit real life no BS advice then check out what he has to say.
Tyler Perry will definitely teach how to become and embrace being a high-value woman.
Just know that your own happiness and value comes from within.
A man is attracted to a woman who is okay to be alone but prefers to spend her time with him.
He doesn’t want to feel like he needs to entertain you. So learn to entertain yourself. It will help you embrace who you are, increase your worth and value and just make you a better friend, person and potential mate in the future.
Lesson Five: Be a Place of Safety
In learning about safety, a lot of life coaches and therapists talked about the masculine and feminine energy that we as individual people have.
As, a woman when we tend to live in a place of fear we give off a very masculine energy that comes across as intimidating or downplaying a man’s inherit need and desire to be the protector.
A man wants a woman who allows him to take that role, and heck I say let him take it.
In all honesty, I want a guy to protect me I don’t want to feel like I have to protect him. Been there done that and won’t ever be doing it again!!
If you have gone through traumas and abuse in the past, then seek out some therapy. I promise that it will be healing. Find someone who believes you. And embrace that relationship because they will help you.
I feel like this will have to be in itself its own post but if you are trying to create a place of safety let it be this:
To feel safe; trust yourself to choose the right guy and to speak up and tell him off if something feels not right.
Trust your intuition it is there for a reason.
Sorry, if you don’t like my views but I truly believe that the woman makes a house a home.
And one person said your home should be your love nest.
I loved that. As women, we have a role to create a home and place of safety and we do that by embracing our feminine qualities.
Keeping the house clean, decorating, keeping drama at bay.
Create a home that you not only love to be but him as well.
My grandma taught me that you don’t buy the house you love, you create the home you love.
Now that you have created a physical place of safety; emotionally, mentally, and intellectually be a place of safety.
Do you know those people where you share an idea you have or something that you recently learned that you think is intriguing or thought-provoking, only to have them go out of their way to bash your ideas with their own knowledge?!
It is so annoying and I absolutely HATE when people do that.
I believe that it is okay to have differing opinions and actually should be something to be celebrated.
So when a man is telling you what he thinks, listen to him. Ask questions for clarity. Seek first to understand!! Then you can share your thoughts, feelings, and emotions about it.
This is how you become and embrace being a high-value woman.
But do it in a loving way.
You would be shocked the amount of men that I talked to that have shared the very masculine qualities that women in general have taken on.
If a guy is being vulnerable or emotional with you let him!!!
It creates connection.
Guys find it SO hurtful when you shut them down, any time, but especially when they are jumping into a place of vulnerability with you!!
Become and be the safe place that you want to have with your man because it will be such a needed intimate connection in your relationship!!
Lesson Six: Live in the Moment
As humans, we spend a lot of our time either thinking about the past or preparing for the future.
We don’t spend enough time just embracing the moment right in front of us.
I know there is the saying YOLO, you only live once, and people live off of it.
And to be honest, I used to think it was REALLY stupid. But there is an element of truth to it.
Do you live so much of your life with regrets??
I know I have. There have been way too many times where I have kicked myself for opportunities missed.
Now, I am not saying go and just throw your life away and make stupid stupid choices that will affect you in a way that you can’t come back from.
Remember we are learning how to become and embrace being a high-value woman.
But, buy that cute blanket. Kiss that guy you’re crushing on.
There have been times recently where I just did what I wanted to.
I went in for that kiss and I didn’t regret it.
I painted that room that I was holding back from painting because of others’ opinions that I shouldn’t.
Men spend too much of their time reflecting on their past or what needs to be done in the future.
Help them create a presence and focus on the the moment.
I promise they will love you for it.
Lesson Seven: Say Thank You
Are you one to accept compliments?? Accept comments it is how you become and embrace being a high-value woman.
I know for a long time I struggled with allowing an impact on me.
I would hear what they were saying, compliment them back but never just accept that what they were saying was true.
It is freeing to just say thank you and accept the compliment.
If it a guy with high value he is saying that compliment for a reason. So embrace and accept it. Girl, you deserve it.
I had a friend whenever you tried to compliment her she would shut you down. Laugh it off and make some hurtful sarcastic remark back. And it has ruined a lot of potential relationships for her.
A man wants to give his girl compliments and for it to be a place where she loves it and makes him feel special that he brings a happiness that no other guy does.
If he tries to pay or give something to you. Accept it!!
He wants to do it so let him!!
I say, Girl, you’re beautiful.
You say, Thank You.
Great job let’s move on.
Lesson Eight: Embrace Your Femininity
My mom, growing up, would always say to me “you attract more bees with honey than vinegar” and I hated that saying.
But man is it true!!
Do you allow your femininity to be a source of strength?? It will allow you to embrace how you become and embrace being a high-value woman
Men like girly girls. Or women who have gentle features and a sweetness to them.
If you find that your masculine energy is starting to take over.
Do the following.
Change your tone in how you are speaking and what you are saying.
Embrace your kind, nurturing and tender side.
Learn to laugh and be happy.
Guys constantly comment on my giggle. I have been blessed with the gift of laughter and I love that!! And they love it!!
It makes a guy think you’re cute when you embrace who you are and just be who you are!!
Lesson Nine: Be Fearless
I know we’ve talked a lot about femininity.
And it’s important!!
But it’s also important to face your fears.
Don’t let fear hold you back.
Go after your dreams.
Pursue your passions.
And stand up for what you believe in.
Sometimes, you just have to do it scared.
And that’s perfectly okay.
Life is an opportunity to learn. To fail. To pick ourselves up and to try again.
So, girl… if you want to remember how to become and embrace being a high-value woman…
Just do this…
Remember that our attractiveness boils down to both the look and character of who we are.
We are in control of our qualities and the attitudes we have about our lives.
You can utilize your own power to attract who and what you want in your life.